Out of 100, we’re happy with our above average score. | Screenshot via ESPN
Artificial intelligence is everywhere, especially in the sports world. And now we have a new system that can tally and rate how good, or how bad, you have it as a sports fan. Meet ESPN’s Sports Misery Index.
Naturally, we tested what it would be like to be an average Kansas City fan.
“This is a pretty good place to be. You haven’t faced too tough a road. You’re probably one title away from truly rarefied air,” said the MiseryBot.
Fair. The AI noted that Chiefs fans are living in a golden era with multiple recent championships, while Sporting KC supporters have seen their share of ups and downs since the 2013 MLS Cup. The KC Current are on the rise with a brand-new stadium and plenty of buzz, and even Royals fans — despite recent struggles — can point to that 2015 World Series title as proof that the crown can shine again.
If you love other teams, plug them into the system and let us know your score, especiallyif you beat ours.
Asked
Asked
Would You Rather: Kansas City Sports Fan Edition
ESPN’s AI is out here rating fan misery — but let’s be real, Kansas Citians have lived through it all. Time to find out how much heartbreak you can handle.
KC Sunflower Festival | Friday, Aug. 22-Sunday, Aug. 24 | Times vary | KC Pumpkin Patch, Olathe, KS | $15 | Get lost in golden fields while you snap all the best share-worthy photos, enjoy 60+ farm activities, and visit the on-site winery.
21+ Night | 5-7 p.m. | The Rabbit hOle | $20 | Explore three stories of immersive, multi-sensory landscapes that bring beloved classic children’s literature to life sans screaming kiddos.
Saturday, Aug. 23
Laser Ozzfest | 5 p.m. | Union Station | $20 | This tribute features the music of Black Sabbath and other Ozzfest favorites set to stunning laser light displays; listen closely for a few Ozzy-isms thrown in throughout the show.
Sunday, Aug. 24
Hyde Park Heroes | Sunday, Aug. 24-Friday, Oct. 31 | Times vary | Gillham Park | $150+ | Become a volunteer mentor for this non-contact, fast-paced flag football program designed for boys and girls ages 3-13, or sign up your own tiny athletes.
Monday, Aug. 25
Local Motive Night: Charlotte Street Foundation | 12-9 p.m. | Casual Animal Brewing | Price of purchase | Buy a pint of the Local Motive Denmark-style lager, Waddlesworth — $2 of every pint sold goes directly to support making KC a home where art and artists can thrive.
Chiefs fans, take note: Bears vs. Chiefs preseason finale kicks off tonight at 7:20 p.m. — prep with our Red Kingdom survival guide. Looking ahead, the Kelce brothers’ “New Heights” podcast will host a tailgate at KC Live! on Sunday, Sept. 14 before KC faces the Eagles in a quasi-LIX rematch. (Kansas City Star)
Watch
... as the lights turn on. Midtown’s 1,042-ft KCTV5 Tower will glow again starting Thursday, Sept. 18 as part of Illuminate KC, lighting up with new red LEDs for the first time in 20 years.
Announced
A Valentine’s Day water main break flooded the construction site at Barney Allis Plaza, dumping thousands of gallons of water and pushing back its timeline. Once depicted as a FIFA World Cup hub, the plaza will take a little longer to finish — but in the meantime, we’ll keep admiring its new public art. (Kansas City Star)
Feel Good
Picking your favorite barbecue joint for a birthday dinner? Classic. Flying 2,000 miles in one day just to eat there? Legendary. For Mom’s 75th, one Pennsylvania family flew to KC for Joe’s Bar-B-Que — piling on ribs, brisket, burnt ends, beans, fries, onion rings, and banana pudding — then hopped a flight home the same day. (KMBC9)
Listen
Jackson Hole, WY isn’t just a celeb getaway — it’s also home to the annual Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City’s economic symposium, kicking off this weekend. World financial leaders will gather for a policy talk in the mountains, but you can get a front-row seat: Check out Bloomberg’s “Odd Lots” podcast featuring KC Fed President Jeffrey Schmid. (Axios)
Trending
If you’ve made it this far (or even just scrolled this far), you deserve a little reward. Amazon Prime’s No. 1 TV show, “The Summer I Turned Pretty,” is back for its third season, and Chiefs players chimed in: Team Conrad or Team Jeremiah?
Seasonal
Christmas in ... August? If you’re a local business with a product or service you’d like to share with our readers this holiday season, consider securing your promo now before we sellout. Our Holiday Shopping Spotlight Bundle includes three newsletter inclusions discounted by 20%.
Post of the Day
Can any Central alumni confirm or deny the “seesaw proficiency” grad requirement?
And you thought running the mile was bad? For better or worse, we’re willing to guess modern-day students returning to the metro’s 15+ school districts are focusing on reading and arithmetic, rather than whatever this is...
The fun doesn’t have to end here. After reading the newsletter, head over to our games page. Games refresh with new challenges every day at 6 a.m. from crossword puzzle to Sudoku to themed word search.
Like a skittish deer, I don’t want to scare next week’s breezy forecast by getting too excited — but Screenland Armour just dropped its 31 Days of Horror lineup, and restraint is hard.
Not into gore? Same. That’s why I’m circling its outdoor screening of cult-classic dark comedy “Death Becomes Her” and the new 4K release of Tim Burton’s “Corpse Bride.”
}})
